Sunday, April 5, 2009

Making Progress

It's the strangest thing, but the last two times I have turned on my car, the radio had a sermon on at the time I was driving (two different stations tho - the first day was Vertical Radio, the second day Vertical Radio was hosting a softball game so I switched to the Calvary Chapel Satellite Network out here). Both times it was about "God's Presence". I chose to name my blog "Pursuing His Presence" and so I thought the timing on that was interesting.

I guess I feel like a breakthrough is imminent. Like I'm going to get there soon. Like I'm on the cusp of something big, or rowing down a river that has a unforeseen waterfall ahead.

I've been reading my Bible a little bit every day, first Galatians and now Hebrews. My prayers still feel funny, like I'm shy of talking to God. In fact, that's the first time I've ever voiced it that way, but that's EXACTLY what my prayer life is like. I'm SHY around God. Is that weird? Has that ever happened to anyone else?

My doubts though ... UGH ... after living a life away from God, I realize how much the secular world does everything it can to try and persuade you that God doesn't really exist. I catch myself wondering sometimes - is it REALLY all about this? Jesus is the ONLY way and there is only ONE God, and that God created everything we see, knows everything including the past and the future, and if He's so real how come we can't see Him and He doesn't speak to us anymore? And is the Bible REALLY God's infallible Word and its truths hold steady for us today? And then I stop to think about it, and of COURSE Jesus is the only way - I've felt His Power. And I
KNOW in my heart that God is real because I have seen His miracles. I know that this world was created. I have taken biology classes and HOLY COW, let me just say that there is NO WAY that this earth could have just "happened". The complexity of nature, plants, leaves, trees, flowers, animals, water, chemicals - and how nature all balances together, it's just amazing. God made this world to work together, and I know that. It's like these little "doubt demons" flit through my head and say "this world wasn't REALLY created ... it just happened!" But then when I stop to REALLY ponder that, I can see with my very own eyes the complex and vast nature around me, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this world was CREATED. And if life evolves, as they say it does, then there would be life on other planets too. Because if life here on earth can "evolve" and "adapt" to support different environments, different climates, and different temperatures, then surely some kind of life would exist out there on another planet, because it would have evolved itself to do so, just like it supposedly did on earth. (Notice no life on other planets.) And of COURSE the Bible is God's Word, living and active.

Am I the only one who has these doubts constantly battling in my head? It's like my mind wars with my heart/spirit all the time. Is that normal?

1 comment:

  1. You are definitely not the only one with these thoughts. I battle them all the time! And the closer you draw to God the more them will come. The enemy is not stupid. He knows when he is losing ground. Stand Firm! Surround yourself with the Truth of the Word and with people who can encourage you. Be just as open with them as you are here and encourage them to do the same. That is what we are meant to do as believers! Thank you for your openness. It is a blessing to me.